Learning To Love
by janeelliott12
Summary: Bella has been through some horrific things in the last months. And all that is bottled inside of her as she tries to survive her new life. She is cold and distant and tries not to let anyone in, to be vulnerable. But there is this man, who haunts her dreams and makes her feel alive. She wants to love him, wants to be his completely and embrace the imprint, but fears her own heart.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

I watched as the sun rose over the mountains, unimpressed. In any other part of the country, the world would light up at this moment. But in Forks, the world was gray and dreary.

What anyone saw in this god-awful section of the world was beyond me. All I saw, was the rain pelting down on the window, and two mountains trying desperately to escape the fog encapsulating them.

That was how I felt. Captured, not able to make my own decisions. And who else was left to tell me what to do? Charlie? That was almost a joke. I hadn't seen him since I was six and my whole life had gone on without him just fine.

In fact, I had been happy in the sunny Arizona deserts. I liked the warmth, since I always seemed to be so cold. But here, where the temperature was averaged in the low forties, I was shivering.

Charlie slowed for a red light. When he noticed my trembling hands, he reached to turn on the heat. When the warm air blasted all over me, I felt a little better.

"Listen Bells, I know how you must be feeling." Charlie turned onto Main Street, as he glanced over at me.

I kept my eyes on the window. He had no idea what I was feeling.

"My Mom died when I was eleven. It was hard for me too. But unlike you, I didn't have a Dad."

How dare him. He wasn't a Dad, he was a father. A man who contributed a couple of sperm and the occasional thousand bucks to my Mom's bank account in raising me. He had no right to presume that he knew me, or in any fashion understood.

When I didn't respond, he lifted a hand from the wheel and scratched his chin, thinking. "Anyway, I know your whole world has been rocked. And you aren't exactly thrilled at the prospect of living with me."

Oh god, I had hoped we could just skip this part.

"But I want you to know, I want to change that. I want you to like it here. And maybe…" He sighed and ran a hand through his graying hair, "maybe we will actually learn to be friends."

I buried deeper into my parka. I was beginning to chill again.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

When we turned into the drive, I did not attempt to make small talk. All I did, was scoot out of the car, grab my duffel bag, and wait for Charlie to open the door.

As I waited on the steps for him to get the keys that seemed to have disappeared I eyed the house.

It was a light blue, and the trim, was peeling in long purple curls. Even the house was sadder, more melancholy.

"Ah hah!" Charlie pulled the small key out of his breast pocket and flipped the lock.

The door swung open on its own, ushering me into a room I had only bad memories for.

I saw Charlie, some twelve years younger, pulling his hair as he screamed at my Mom.

I saw her lean back as she raised her hands, and with a glare in her eyes retort back. Behind them, I saw me sitting at the foot of the stairs, holding my knees to my chest. My eyes, dry, but my expression broken and scared.

"Anyway…" Charlie interrupted, "here." He plopped the key into my hand, and headed inside, up the stairs and through the memory.

I took a moment on the steps.

The moment I walked in, the moment I unpacked, everything would change. I would be living here. I would be living with him, in this house.

"Bella?"

I took a deep breath, and willed away my fears and turned on cold Bella. The Bella who would get me through this.

I entered the house, and didn't look back as I closed the door behind me with my foot.

I followed the sound of rustling, and came to my old room.

I peeked in, and saw Charlie bent over hooking up my laptop to the wall.

When I entered, he looked up and gave me a small nod.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

I looked at my reflection, taking in my appearance.

I was thin, but in the last year gained curves. My skin, was ivory and held a gentle flush that the chill of Washington gave to me. The sweater I wore, was a chocolate brown, that met the hem of my jeans.

Was this what I was supposed to wear every day? What happened to sun? To flip flops and tank tops?

My hair was combed back into a braid over my shoulder, and I thought I looked descent enough for my first day of school.

I wasn't nervous, or even excited. I just wanted it to be over.

I carefully crept down the steps, trying not to make a sound when Charlie rounded the corner.

"Hey." He played with his lip, and old habit from youth. "Can, you, um…come outside for a second?"

I nodded reluctantly, and followed him out of the kitchen door and to the back of the house.

There, parked was a giant red truck, with so many dents and rust stains that it seemed to radiate "I will stall."

For some reason, I found that I didn't care at all about the appearance, and just loved the character it spread.

I kept my face neutral and waited for Charlie to speak.

He shifted uncomfortably and gestured with his chin to the truck.

"Its yours."

I whirled on him, with wide eyes, showing the first emotion in days. He looked surprised to, but quickly smoothed his face back when I did the same.

"Why?"

I hadn't been nice, or kind. I had been rude. In fact, I had deliberately avoided him for the past few days, dancing around him in the house.

He just shrugged.

"I work late. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a social life. Pick one."

I slowly approached the cabin, and ran my hand down the handle, not opening it.

"Thanks."

A small smile spread his lips, but he hid it under his nose, tucking it under his neck. He grunted, and tossed me the keys.

"You're welcome. Just take it to the garage on fifth. It's in the rez, but they have the best prices."

I opened the door and asked, "What does it need?"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

It was still early when I pulled into the lot, and I tried not to make direct eye contact with anyone.

After circling the spaces a couple times, I finally found an open one and slipped into it. When I climbed out, I took off the emotion, and went into a mask of cold and uncaring.

When I turned around, I realized half of the school was watching me.

Groups upon groups of cliques stood by cars, and each stereotype came into mind as they all watched me seeing what my next move was.

A group to my left, consisted of two girls and one boy.

I was prepared to walk right past them and find my way to the office but the Asian kid popped up out of now where with a huge grin.

"Hey! Are you Isabella? I'm Ben, the school news paper photographer." He held out a long hand, and leaving me no other choice, I shook it.

"Uh, yes." Was my brilliant reply.

His grin widened and he shook my hand hard, and just a little longer than necessary.

"So you're new? That's always tough."

I nodded, and before I could catch myself I replied "Technically everyone's new. For everyone else it's the grade, for me it's the school."

His eyes widened. "Oooh. That's deep. Maybe I'll put that as the caption."

"The caption to-?"

I was cut off by a flash directly in my face.

"Excuse him. He was dropped a lot as a kid."

I turned, and a blonde guy was standing there in a burgundy t shirt and basketball shorts.

"I was not! Not everyone can be Neanderthals. Some people actually strive for creativity."

The blonde one just snorted, falling into step beside us.

When the joined me in my walk to the school I didn't know, but I tried not to focus on the proximity of their arms.

"I'm Mike. The Neanderthal."

He raised a fist in the air.

Oh, so he was one of those.

I pumped it, and tucked my hand back into my jacket.

"So, Isabella, what are your interests, goals and all that?"

Ben pulled out a notepad, and waited for my impromptu answer.

"I haven't really figured that out yet."

"Come on." Mike drawled, "You got to give him something."

I thought for a second. "Well, I like painting. And sketching."

What happened to cold and collected Bella? No more sharing I chastised myself.

"Ooohh really?" When I nodded Ben smiled and gestured to the both of us with his finger. "I'm the president of art club, want to join?"

No. No I didn't. That's what I should have said.

"Uh, let me think about it."

He nodded, completely unruffled and stopped when I reached the office doors.

"Well I'm off. My duty is done, and the damsel isn't in distress."

With a flourish of his hand he bowed and kissed my hand, then proceeded down the hall.

Mike leaned on the glass door and smiled. "He's a good kid. See you 'round Isabella."

"Bella." I corrected as he turned away.

Damn it Bella!

"Bella." He repeated with a small smirk, then headed off down the hall.

I turned with a roll of my shoulders and headed into the warm office.

**Here's chapter one! Leave me review telling me what you think spurs Bella to be so closed off? The next chapter will be up soon, in the mean time, check out my other stories, "All Consuming Love" and others. You guys are awesome**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

"Please take a seat Miss. Swan, I'll be with you in a moment."

I looked behind me and with a sigh, sat down on the plastic seat behind me. When my weight pushed the foam cushion down it slowly deflated and I felt myself slowly lowered into the small frame.

The woman behind the counter had long black hair twisted to the back of her neck, which she picked at with a pencil as she was trying to diffuse a particularly angry parent.

"Ma'am, ma'am. I really…well…I'm sure he is…I realize that…well he brought…Ma'am."

I almost felt sorry for her when she leaned back in her swivel chair and rubbed her eyes.

The whole office smelled of scented candles and rubbing alcohol. It reminded me of a nursing home that Mom and I had been looking at for Grandpa.

"Alright Ma'am, I'm…I'm tran…I'm transferring you…to the prin…principal. Mr. Refgull. Mr. Howard Refgull. I'm sorry…thank you."

She hung up the phone and blew out a long breath.

The small plaque on the counter told me her name was Henrietta George, and I examined the snoopy sticker someone had taped under the G.

When she looked at me, her eyes went apologetic.

"Sorry about that Bella, first day of school is always hectic."

I nodded and came to my feet.

"So I take it you're here for your schedule and the campus map?"

When I nodded again she dropped the pencil that had been scratching her neck, and began flipping through her files.

"S….S….Ah!" When she clasped her hand over my name, she plucked it from the holder and held out my schedule.

After discussing my classes, and having to put two people on hold, she showed me the school map, and gave me a small wave as I left.

"The first bell is at seven, try to get there on time, but Mr. Miller is lenient with new kids so don't stress."

I gave her a small smile and I glanced at my first class and its room.

_Mr. Miller, Physical Education, Gymnasium Two…Period One_

Ugh, great.

I looked down at my jeans, and realized I didn't have any clothes for running.

Way to make a first impression Bells.

* * *

After getting lost twice, and finding myself taking directions from a janitor and a freshmen, I found myself standing in the locker room.

Washington, I found, had no sun. But that didn't stop anyone from tanning their skins to a crisps.

Around me, girls all shapes in sizes were combing back their hair, clad only in bras and panties, with what I'm sure the tanning place called "Grande Mocha" skin.

I became achingly aware of my own paleness, but refused to show any weakness.

I walked to an open locker, put my bag inside, and proceeded to roll up my jeans to my mid thighs, ditch the sweater and leave only the camisole underneath covering me.

I kept to myself as I tied my hair back and tried not to notice when a girl with auburn hair and rosy cheeks began to change beside me.

"Hi!" She smiled at me.

Her teeth were white, and drew a stark difference from her bronzed skin.

"Uh, hey."

I closed the locker door, spun the lock, and made a move to walk away.

"Wait!"

She bounced in front of me, and held out a hand.

"I'm Lauren. I'm new, would you be at all interested in being my partner in there?"

She nodded to the gym as she donned her sneakers.

"I think we're running."

Her brows furrowed and I gestured to the pedometers all the girls were clasping onto their shirts.

She just grinned and shook her head. "No, I mean for timing me. Someone has to time you as you run."

Wasn't that the coaches job? Whatever.

"Uh..yeah..sure."

She giggled and followed me clumsily to the gym door, grabbing a pedometer as I did.

The door was heavy, and when I pushed it open, I was greeted to the echoing sounds of about fifty kids laughing and screeching.

"So where are you from?" Lauren asked.

"Arizona."

She looked surprised. "Really? Aren't you guys supposed to be tan?"

"Come on, don't hassle her, maybe she's just albino."

I raised an eyebrow to the voice, and swiveled prepared to start something, when I saw Mike leaning against the bleachers eyeing my legs with a smile.

Lauren bobbed next to me, and widened her eyes at the two of us.

"Like your one to talk." I retorted, gesturing to his natural white arms smothered in freckles.

He just smiled, and I tried not to roll my eyes at the oh so obvious flex he gave his bicep.

"Got a partner?" He threw an arm around my shoulders.

I looked down at Lauren, and she looked a little crestfallen.

"Actually, yes. Sorry." I shrugged out of his hold and nodded for the now gaping Lauren to follow me to the track.

I heard Mike chuckle behind us as Lauren began to chatter.

"Do you have any idea who you just blew off? That was Michael Newton. Only the hottest, and not to mention the smartest guy in the Senior grade!"

Senior huh? He certainly didn't act it.

"I didn't blow anyone off. I had a partner."

She just shook her head at the ground.

I took my position on the starting line, and when the coach blew the whistle, I began to pump my legs.

It felt nice. My tired muscles had been tense, waiting, constantly on the alert. But now, as I ran, the knots uncurled and the familiar burn in my calves reminded me that I was human. Nothing more.

* * *

Second and third period went by in a blur, and the only thing I can remember about either was that Mike kid shared them with me.

At first I thought he was trying to freak me out, following me from class to class, but when the teacher read his name off the attendance list and he sent me a little smirk, I knew that even though it was a coincidence, he wasn't upset by the development.

I cant really pin down what made me queasy towards him. He was perfectly civil, even nice. I guess it was just that every turn I took, there he was. Waiting, watching me with a wink that made my insides crawl.

Now, looking around at the cafeteria in front of me, I began to panic.

Most new kids would be nervous about where they sat, what group they would be classified in, but for me, it was less about stereotypes, and more about trying to avoid the thousands of eyes following me.

"Hey Isabella!"

I tore my gaze away from my tray, and looked to see Ben waving at me.

"Come sit with us!"

I searched my head for a feasible excuse, but when I came blank, I nodded.

I wasn't there to make friends, and I certainly didn't plan to change my plans now. I was on survival mode, and everyone around me was going to need to learn that.

The salad bar I was waiting at, had a line in front of me of at least twenty students, all forgetting their student number. I settled into a long wait, and began to arrange the salad in front of me into what might have passed for a flower.

"Edible art?"

I looked up to find the owner of the velvety voice, and was bombarded by the vision of the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

I kept my eyes cool, and plucked an olive from my bowl, and popped it into my mouth, ignoring him.

I heard a low chuckle reverberate through his chest, and I tried not to look at the small smile he now surely sported.

When I crushed the pulp between my canines, I imagined his face in my mind.

His lips were plump and a rosy pink, which contrasted against the rest of his pale body. His nose, straight and slightly bowed, was seeming carved from an old Grecian statue. But his eyes was what caught my attention the most.

The line moved a few feet, then came to another stop.

I released the fork I had been fidgeting with, and pulled off the sweater I had replaced after P.E. It was burning hot inside, a glaring difference to the foggy mist outside.

I saw a fan buzzing a few feet away, and scooched a little closer to the person in front of me, trying to catch the breeze.

When the icy breeze hit me, it was refreshing and I reveled in it.

I heard a gasp beside me.

I looked up, expecting some ass remark about my skin, but was a little taken aback by the statue looking at me with a mix of shock and pain.

I couldn't help but stare at him, while he held his breath and dropped his tray into the garbage, leaving the cafeteria.

"Um, could you like, move?"

I distractedly scuttled forward, my eyes still on the kid that had run out of the room, eyes wide.

When I finally paid for my food, I swallowed my distaste for teenager chatter, and took a seat beside Ben.

"Oh hey Isabella."

"Bella." I corrected him.

"Right. Bella, let me introduce you to the kids."

He gestured around to each of them, Angela, Jessica, Mike (to my not so well disguised horror), and Lauren who Mike apparently recruited.

"So Bella, how is it you come from sun, but you look like white out?" The strawberry blonde one, Jessica, I think, muttered as Mike sent me another smile.

I could pick up on signals. I wasn't stupid.

"I don't know. Maybe it's reverse. I mean look at you, so tan, and the only sun in Forks comes from a bottle."

Mike snorted out a laugh and everyone joined in, except Angela and the sneering Jessica.

Ben hit me in the back with his hand, trying not to choke.

The feeling sent a spasm of discomfort to my chest, and I leaned away, a little too suddenly.

Ben didn't notice, or at least pretended not to, and dropped his hand back to his knee.

**Okay, so this chapter is the last one where I'm just setting the stage. I want you to get to know Bella before I start messing with her head. Also, I'm looking for a good Beta, let me know if your interested. Next chapter up soon. Review letting me know what you think Bella is hiding, why is she so closed off?**


End file.
